Don't eat this at home

One of the perks of participating in endurance athletics is being able to eat a lot. I won't say "whatever you want" because you still have to be smart about what you eat, but the stomach turns into a coal-burning stove once you start burning calories by the thousands. Naturally, I don't buy in to the "carbs are evil" school because carbohydrates are energy for me, and while my brother-in-law did two Ironmans on the South Beach Diet, a diet devoid of or reduced in carbs won't work for most endurance athletes.

That said, consider the 101-mile ride I did on Sunday. I ate a bowl of Cheerios before I headed out, and that was burned up in the first 40 miles. After an out-and-back to the north, I headed west, and by the time I made the turn I was going straight into a 20 mph wind. The plan was to ride to mile marker 29 along Wyoming 130, aka Snowy Range Road. That marker is a couple miles west of Centennial, a wide spot in the road with four or five bars, two gas stations, one church and one school. Starting at marker 27, the road goes up at an 8 percent grade, so when I got there, not only was I fighting gusting winds I was fighting gravity.

After two stops to catch my breath on the way up, I turned around at the marker, prepared for a screaming descent. The only screaming that happened was me, uttering 100-decibel expletives and prayers as I enjoyed a tailwind, then turned to the right to make a crosswind, and held on for dear life as I did a death wobble at 35 mph. I stopped again to steady myself before I pointed the bike back toward town.

When I got home and sat down to eat, I looked at my heart-rate monitor to see that I'd burned 3,466 calories. As I've mentioned before, the American Medical Association recommends 2,000-2,500 calories a day for an average adult, so I burned a day-and-a-half's worth of calories. And so I set about replacing them...

During the ride I had three Carb-Boom gels (apple cinnamon), 50 ounces Gatorade, 74 ounces water
Afterward I had...
Three more bowls of Cheerios, with a teaspoon of sugar on each and 1 percent milk
One banana
6 ounces of apple juice, plus multi-vitamin
(Break for shower, because my nether regions hurt)
One glass, six ounces Pepsi, eight ounces ice
Peanut butter and honey on wheat
A couple handfuls of tortilla chips
Two kosher dill pickles
Some 1 percent cottage cheese
Two chocolate chip cookies
(Break to call my parents, walk to store to get more groceries and newspaper, read paper, clip coupons, watch Cubs)
Four leftover pancakes with syrup
One glass of water
One salad with arugula, mushrooms and four cherry tomatoes
Pepperoni pizza
One glass, six ounces Pepsi, eight ounces ice
One bottle Rolling Rock
Two chocolate chip cookies
Two chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts

It was like tossing toothpicks on a campfire.