Change in Plans

The good thing about taking a week of vacation after an undertaking like an Ironman is you have all the time in the world to truly recover. In my case I had two days to myself before I had my friend Mindi come to visit before a weekend of wedding revelry with some mutual acquaintances in Denver. That said, I didn't run, ride or swim during that week, the better to give my body a complete break before potentially getting back at it.

The bad thing about taking a week of vacation after an undertaking like an Ironman is you have all the time in the world to ruminate on whatever the race was. Aside from my first one, which I just wanted to finish, I don't think I've truly been happy with how I did. My PR for the distance (11:42:40) stands from that first one. The next year I did Ironman Canada and was 4 minutes, 33 seconds slower on a much tougher course; very frustrating to be that close. The third one, and slowest, was Ironman Wisconsin, where I went 13:59 on a brutal day when a fourth of the field dropped out. Still, I wish I would have handed the heat better. The fourth one was Ironman Coeur d'Alene, which I finished in 12:49, three weeks after moving cross-country for a new job.

Three-and-a-half weeks ago I did Wisconsin again, this time on a slightly more favorable day. And I still came up 21 minutes short of a personal best despite having a better training cycle and a stronger nutrition plan for the race. This is what weighed heavily on my mind during my time off, especially on the long trip home and during those two days I had completely to myself.

Then thoughts turned to the future. No question, I want to toe the line at the world championship in Kona someday. I don't have a timetable, though if the doomsday scenarios are to be believed I'd like to get it done before the world ends in 2012 (hee hee). Regardless of how long it takes, I have at least two hours I need to drop from my overall time to get it done. That's about 10 minutes from my swim, 20 minutes from my bike, and 90 minutes from my run (no lie there). I can gain some time back in transition but most of it I have to get on the roads.

So then I started thinking about why I do this shit. I want to see where my body's breaking point is. I want to see what I'm capable of. And for one day, I want to toe the line with the world's best. My performances to now have been mediocre by elite standards, decent by age-group standards. I need to shed that mediocrity if I'm to make my way to Kona, and I'm convinced I'm the only thing standing in the way. The space between my ears might as well be a thousand miles, and short of seeing a sport shrink I don't know what to do.

At mile 16 in Madison, when I could feel my legs tightening, I had the same feeling as when James Loney of the Dodgers homered to tie the Cubs 1-1 in the sixth inning of Game 1 of the division series in 2008 — "Not again." Right then and there I was done. There was no way I could even jog the remaining 10 miles with a minimum of walking. It hurt less to walk, but the best athletes run anyway, knowing it takes less time and will hurt less later to run. That logic never permeated the shroud of mediocrity and comfort that hung from my psyche like a parachute. The best swear by affirmations and shit like that but I don't buy it. There's got to be something else I need to master to rid myself of the irony of having been a psychology major.

So that's what I'm going to work on next year. Originally I thought I'd do the full Vineman in Sonoma County, Cali, in early August, then do the full Silverman in Vegas 12 weeks later. But what's to be gained from plodding through two full distances within 12 weeks when I can't even truly race half that distance? Instead, I'll master whatever mental tricks I need to master at half-ironman distance. There are four points in the year where I'll race but I'm eyeing several different races. The only givens are the Pacific Crest Triathlon and the Harvest Moon Triathlon. Beyond that I'm looking at early August (four or five weeks before Harvest Moon), and late October or early November (a season-ending "A" race).

Again, I just want to get to a point where I can truly race that distance, like stay on the big gear for the majority of the ride and run an entire half-marathon off the bike. Also in 2010, I'll sign up for Ironman Coeur d'Alene 2011 — and I think you know what I'm hoping to accomplish at that race. But that's almost two years from now. Part of the change in mental focus is to worry about the now and forget about the later. As I'm fond of saying, be in the moment. Too bad I suck at taking my own advice.... another thing that must change.