Periodically, I'll transfer some stuff from my MySpace blog, since I don't post there anymore and I want my stuff in one spot. Given that it's hockey season and I've only seen my Wild once, this seemed appropriate. And I didn't want to post it on my Facebook because of the impressionable young'uns (aka my niece and nephew) who have access to my page. Here you go.
Odds are, most of us have seen Slap Shot a million times already. And, odds are, we've been drunk at least 451,056 of those times. Regardless, Maxim Online has decided to make your next trip down to Charleston a little more sporting. Slap Shot is the quintessential guy movie, and anyone who hasn't uttered at least one of the endlessly quotable lines from it can no longer call himself a man. So lace 'em up, tape 'em up, put on the foil — we now pay homage to a true classic.
The Rules
We've been over this before. Get alcohol, get friends, get comfy. Break out your well-worn VHS copy, break in your new DVD copy, or find out when it's going to make its inevitable run on TV. Game on!
Take one drink when...
• Denis Lemieux slashes or jabs Jim Carr.
• Each time Hyannisport scores in the first game.
• Nick pees himself.
• Anyone else admits to being shit-faced.
• Joe McGrath offers to sell the bus.
• Anyone uses the word "pussy."
• Each time Joe simulates masturbation.
• Denis uses the wrong English word or phrase.
• Mo Wanchuk describes a sexual experience he once had. (Take an extra drink if the person he's talking to remarks how disgusted they are, or that they're skeptical)
• The song is played. You know, THAT song: "And it's all right/And it's comin' home/We got to get right back/To where we're comin' from/Love is good/Love can be strong..."
• Anyone in a given scene is wearing some puke-inducing article of clothing (A hideous shirt, embarrassing pants, god-awful medallions, etc.).
• Anyone's playing cards.
• Any of your friends remarks that Suzanne Hanrahan's nipples point at odd angles.
• The Hansons seriously abuse someone on the ice.
Take two drinks when...
• The Hansons seriously abuse someone off the ice.
• The fan yells "Frog pussy!" (Take an extra drink if you're watching the TV edit, where she yells "Frog phony!" — Dave)
• Johnny Upton actually flashes the crowd during the fashion show (listen for the screams).
• Lily Braden gets air with the van (the second hill).
• Dickie Dunn says, "I was trying to capture the spirit of the thing."
• Anyone uses the word "dyke."
• Ned Braden asks if the Hansons are brothers.
• The Hansons put on the foil.
• Johnny says, "Fuckin' Chrysler plant, here I come!"
• Reggie Dunlop gets laid.
• Dave "Killer" Carlson mentions Swami Baha (or meditates).
• Anyone uses the word "snatch."
• Jim Carr loses his hairpiece.
Do a shot when...
• The Chiefs score against Hyannisport ("That's what yer paid for, Braden! Now try winning a game for a change!").
• Jeff Hanson gets his quarter back from the pop machine (Yeah, I called it "pop." What? — Dave).
• The first time someone mentions Ogie Ogelthorpe ("Worst goon in hockey today.").
• The first time someone gets bloody in a fight.
• The organ player gets beaned by a slap shot.
• They show the twins (From the booster club).
• The Chiefs win the championship.
Realizes there are some things she'll never understand when...
• Your significant other asks "How can you watch this again?"
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