Uncoachable

Think about lame coachspeak. What does every coach say about his or her best athletes?

They're "coachable." Doesn't matter what sport it is, every coach says the best athletes are coachable.

And if you can read between the lines, you know what that means.

"He/she's a good little trouper who does whatever I say to do without question or lip, unlike that asshole Dave."

In other words, that's not me. Any of my coaches will tell you that. I wasn't a total nonconformist about it, but I needed a compelling reason to do 20x100 @ 1:30 besides "I said so." Suffice to say, nothing's changed.

The other day in the pool, Karl was putting us through a sprint workout. Naturally, I stroked easily through it, making sure to kick or increase my turnover on the alternating repeats. Karl still told me he wanted me to sprint and go all-out during the main set. Thought: "Go fuck yourself. When in a 1.2- or 2.4-mile swim, other than the first quarter-mile when I'm fresh, will I need to go all-out?"

I don't remember what the set was, but it ended with a sprint 100 meters. The first time through I did it in 1:28 with a finishing heart rate of 192. The second time through I did it in 1:24 with a finishing heart rate of 180. He then said he wants me doing entire workouts at 1:25-1:30 per 100 meters, and all that stirred in my head was middle-aged rebellion.

On another blog I follow, the writer said, "I didn't want to do a 100-mile ride the day after the race, but what (coach) has me doing is working so I don't even question it." Seriously? I wonder if there is a threshold for that person, a point where he/she says, "Forget it! You're going to tire me out unnecessarily/injure me!"

And don't think that anyone can break me. The other day, ROTC was recruiting in the student union, and I thought about what I told military recruiters between my freshmen and sophomore years of college when I met with them. I really have issues with blind obedience, and not even the promise of "being a part of something bigger than [my]self" will quell that streak. No one can break me, not a drill instructor, not a teacher, and certainly not a coach... regardless of how old I am/was. The harder they push, the harder I push back (employers, take note).

So I reached the conclusion that I don't need a coach. When it comes to figuring out what kind of workouts I need to do, I've got it more or less under control. Instead, I need a nutritionist and a psychologist, someone to clear the crap out of my refirgerator and determine hourly caloric intake, and someone to teach me how to nut up when my IT bands tie themselves in knots and I feel like I could go to sleep on the curb.